Dinner for Schm... Monster Hunters

From 0:00

0:00Just so you know, Daft Among Us is half talk show, half actual play campaign that features adult language and topics at viewer discretion is advised.

0:09On this episode of Nat One Presents. And then like you hear a a clap, and then you look upstairs, and there's a uh creepy, gangly, greasy looking pale-skinned vampire.

0:25Welcome, my children. Welcome. It seems you have made it. Zoomy party.

0:36He sounds like the godfather.

0:40I don't know what else to [expletive] say. This is his voice now. This is his voice.

0:45Adventure. Heartwarming stories, role-playing that can only be seen by the gods. Here at Nat OnePresents, you get all that and more. Now join us as we start another epic tale of con.

1:01Just kidding. This is Nat One Presents, a tabletop role-playing game podcast that takes your favorite nerdy games and pop culture icons and ruins them with improv.

1:12Hello, friends, and welcome to Nat One Presents the Podcast. What's wrong, mate?

1:19Not that honestly, we just recorded a session right before this, and uh I was this like rough, like rough voice, and I did that for like an hour. So uh I might just talk like this the whole time.

1:29I'm fine with that if you want to talk like that.

1:31Nah, not at all. What uh what do you got to talk about today? I I I hear something funny kind of happened, or or something you made fun of in another episode has basically come true. Right? So key points goblin caves.

1:44You can't get enough of them. D D is apparently chock full of goblin caves. Any person we talk to, I just got done battling in a goblin cave. So speaking of that, our number one fan, Kyle, super fan. Thank you, Kyle out there. Number one fan, he leaves uh comments that we can actually read and understand. Uh thank you again, Kyle. Uh, recently shared with us that he actually did his first right DD experience. Right. And everyone remembers their first name. Believe it or not, it involved a [expletive] goblin cave.

2:18Yeah, everybody's first time is in a goblins cave, apparently. Crazy.

2:21But he did tell us about uh how he chose the ranger class and it wasn't that bad, which honestly, Kyle, I know you're our number one fan and everything, but you are full of [expletive], man. Play any other class, any other class in Ranger. Come on, man. But your wife had a good time and she picked a correct class because it was not Ranger. But that's nice. We'd like to hear stuff like that from our fans. So that's why Kyle has been nominated this episode, this week, as our number one super fan. Thank you, Kyle, and thank you for sharing your experience of Dungeons and Dragons with us. We're glad that maybe we helped a little bit in bringing you to the table to throw down some dice.

2:57If you want to share more stories like that, so we can nominate you as another super fan, maybe not number one, because that'll probably always be Kyle. Yes, uh, then go ahead and pay a dollar, just only a dollar, to join our Patreon. And you can be part of our Discord. You can just comment on Patreon, however you want to do it. You can just be, you know, tell us tell us what's going on, tell us, connect to with us, you know. And leave a comment and have it make sense.

3:19Yeah, dad, I'm talking about you, man. Come on. I don't even know what that means. I love you.

3:26I also love your dad, but one of the comments I had to ask you about, I thought it was like an inside joke. It says I make wind, right? I have no idea what that meant. I don't know what that means.

3:35But who am I to judge? You know, at least he's listening and he likes the show. So thank you out there. But seriously, Kyle is our number one super fan right now. Thank you, Kyle. And since we're on the topic of Goblin Caves, I recently uh played a session with One Shot Dungeons, which was really good. But believe this, Nate, you're not you're no way in a million years are you gonna believe this? Uh the episode we fought in a [expletive] goblin cave like [expletive] crazy.

3:59No way. Oh, you were level one naturally, right?

4:01No, actually, we were level six, which was really nice, but uh, I was kind of grumpy when I made my character, so I was like, F this. I made the lamest character I could possibly make. It was a fighter class. He had tens in all of his stats, uh, no proficiencies in anything, because I was like, F this guy, he's average, you know, like because I felt average at the time, so I just wanted to play an average guy. And for the subclass, I perked picked the worst fighter subclass that you can pick, and that is out of the Sword Coast Adventures Guide, and that is the purple knight dragon, who gets one benefit that you can use one time between rests, and that's all he gets. And I didn't even remember that class.

4:01Uh so all it is is uh you're just a knight. And it was before they came out with a better knight class. And the only additional perk you get is on your second win, you can heal a friend. Well, that's other than that, yeah. Other than that, it's all just base fighter stats, and it's awful.

From 5:00

5:01So, what I like to say is uh thank you, one shot dungeons for Avice on the show. Um, Nate is kind of like that band member who only eats green MMs. Uh he's a huge diva, but he's also uh I think you would have a lot more fun with him. I'm more of just like the business, and I didn't even know that class existed that I was talking about. It was still fun. Um, yep. And so if you're listening, uh go ahead and give one shot dungeons, check them out. They're on social media, uh on Twitter, Instagram. It's just as it sounds exactly, one shot dungeons, all one word. Um they're a cool tabletop RPG pod that brings new guests each week and they usually drink and play DD. Right.

5:35Um, super good time. Nate had fun. So give their show a listen. Uh at some point, I I don't know yet. Hopefully, they actually air the episode you were on.

5:44I wasn't there. Hopefully you didn't totally turn them off to DNA. I think it's airworthy, you know, but I do like the setup that they got where it's like a campaign and they invite new people coming in. Have you seen they have photographs on their Instagram there? And their setup is so much more legit than ours. Yeah.

5:58They have like a much bigger table, like way, like they actually do like a full screen.

6:02Like they actually, it's almost like they really play the game.

6:04Oh, yeah, yeah.

6:05Um, hey, we're here. I got some dice for show that I forget how to use sometimes. Half the time here at Nat One Presents, we don't even throw dice anymore. We just start talking. But that's why you're here. That's why you're here. At least one time I made up a number that was on a die.

6:19I've done it numerous times. Usually when I lie about my dice roll, it's to actually fail. Like I'll roll a nap 20 and be like, ooh, 11.

6:28Oh, I didn't know that.

6:30Yeah, I like to fail more than succeed.

6:32That's my life. That's what we do here. Um, so speaking of new friends, we have a couple new patrons. I want to thank their both friends of mine from college days, college buds. Uh, Dan and Billy, thank you for your support. Uh, it's only a dollar, and they know better than anyone. It's the best 99 cents they've ever spent once a month, even though I think they both pledge bigger tiers, but who's counting? I know.

6:53Um we're talking about you, Kyle, by the way. Like, come on, bump it up, man. You're our number one super fan. Number one fan. Yeah, come on.

7:00I'm not calling you out in front of everybody, but come on. Uh really, uh, if you listen to our last episode, we recently announced we'll be having uh if for just the one dollar tier, uh access to a bonus episode once a month. So an episode you will not find on our podcast um will be available on the Patreon. So check that out. And there'll also be there's some uh a little bit of uh reshuffling and some some new benefits to some of the lower tiers. So just a general rework on things. If you haven't uh become a patron yet, now is the time to do it. And if you're still not gonna do it. Wow. Well, thanks for listening, anyways. Well, thanks.

7:34[expletive] you. It's just a dollar. Come on. I appreciate you listening to my voice, but it's just a dollar.

7:40It's nine Good Lord. Come on, it's hundred cents. What do I have to do? Sardin OnlyFans? Like, good. Right. Like, I'll do that to force you to pay the Patreon because you don't want to see that. Right. Nobody wants to see me without a shirt on just to see that. Disgusting. Anyway. I'm grossed on things. Just a dollar. Just a dollar. Uh let's see. Body shaming aside, uh, what are we doing today? Okay, today we have kind of a new segment we're gonna try out. Um, D-Hunters, which is short for Dracula Hunters. That's a name in progress, right?

8:10Uh no, I don't know. I like it. I think I hope it sticks. We're going with it. Kind of like a vampire hunter D kind of deal, but like D-Hunters.

8:16D Hunters. Yeah.

8:19Out here hunting D. But uh, the idea is that we are bringing back uh Belmont and Ben Helsing to for their own little jaunty skit, you know, through their adventures. And hopefully this sticks and people enjoy it. And I hope everyone out there likes the name D-Hunters because I came up with it and I think it's [expletive] hilarious.

8:37It is here to stay, and it's unfortunate, but here we are.

8:41D-Hunters. So, uh, how do you think we wanted to start out with this, Nate? Like, so uh folks at home, uh, everything we do is all one take, nothing is broken apart, edited, anything like that. Uh, usually me and Nate message each other throughout the day. Chris is involved too. Uh, he's behind the scenes right now. And then we're like, what would be fun? Okay, let's put Van Helsing and Belmont back together and have them do something.

9:04And then we sit down in front of the mics and camera and go at it. Yeah, with the exception of they were in an episode of uh DD Deathmatch, that is when we like roll up a character sheet. But aside from that, we we wing everything. Um, so it's uh not only that, we really don't know how to edit. I'm sure you guys have noticed from watching the show. So doing it in one take, it's easier if we just go with the flow, and so that's what you get. But it's a good time. Nate and I love uh like on one hand, we love to do these like the if you listen to roleplay for one, these big like campaign one-shots. We love that.

9:04We just I like to balance it sometimes uh with just some like chaotic, unscripted just roleplay. I think I think I think both are fun. You know, you can have fun, and like a good party in any tabletop RBG, Call Cthulhu, DD has both of those. Yes, I think you know it has the planner, you know, your ideally your DM, hopefully, uh, or keeper, and then of course it has uh players who are willing to just go with the flow and roleplay. And when I think when you get a good combination of both of those, it's a really good time, and that's that's what we're hoping to achieve here on that one. We're not all fun and games, but sometimes we're trying to actually entertain you. Hopefully. Hopefully, it's only a dollar. Just a dollar.

9:04How dare you?

From 10:00

10:09Okay, so I'm thinking. Yeah, I didn't answer your question at all. I don't know what a huge rant. It's fine. Uh, after the last episode where the subhebus died, eventually. She died eventually. Um, uh let's say Belmont and Van Helsing join teams together. They're together now, out there hunting D, out there searching for D through the darkest corners in the backest of alleys. They are looking for D, you know? And uh sorry when those D is short for Dracula. And uh it just so happens uh Dracula's um dinner, dinner party is coming up soon.

10:48His annual Gala event. Oh yeah, Gala hunting for D. Hunting for D at the Gala.

10:57We have a lot of fun here at Nat 1%. Um so I think that's the thing is uh somehow we scored an invite to this through one way or another. Uh we scored an invite to this dinner party, and we're gonna show up, and I think we start right outside the front gate, maybe? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

11:12Okay. Okay, here we go. Belmont, my boy. Here we are. We've made it. I never thought we'd quite actually make it to Dracula's castle. I mean, usually like one or the other, but together as a team, we have accomplished the impossible, which is function in a duo that actually accomplishes things.

11:32Oh, Belmont, my boy, of course we'd make it on time, and of course we made it. When we put two heads together as beautiful and succulent as ours, we can accomplish many great deeds. But I we got here. Where do where do we go from here?

11:48Yes, well, first of all, good job on stealing that invitation to those occultists. Uh and so tonight, uh apparently uh Dracula does this big, big event, this big uh he calls it a gala thing. Uh uh big party, and so this is our time. Uh he won't expect it, what's coming. And uh you know, I know I've told you a lot about uh Traver van Helsing uh that I've had dinner with Dracula and he's a nice guy. Oh, me too, on several occasions. The truth is though, that never happened. Okay.

11:48The but you know, that first time that we fought, you know, you said you said you had dinner with him, and I felt I felt a little outshine, so then I rubbed it in your face when I saw you on the side of the road and pretended to have dinner with him just to make you feel a little bad. Uh-huh. Uh but you know, uh you know, I I don't know the guy. I don't know the guy, and we need to kill him because he's the source of all evil in this world. Oh my god, Belmont, my boy, this is completely eye-opening for me.

12:45I know he's your friend, but No, if we're gonna be completely honest with each other, I've never met the man creature either. No way. Yes, absolutely. Uh you know, like y you're out there hunting D, you know, and you get all sweaty and you want to like glisten up for the ladies afterwards, and you start telling stories, and eventually those stories stick, especially when someone like Jerry comes along and starts spreading these rumors about you. Yeah, you know Jerry. You remember Jerry. But any the Jerry's all news now. But also, I am so sorry that I lied to you. This is my first actual encounter with Dracula, and I just I don't know where to go from here. I was this is my actually first time this close to the castle.

13:27You know, really, it's kind of on me. Like, frankly, everything you've really ever told me has been a lie, or an exaggeration, at least to some extent. So Frank, I don't know why I believed it. Uh why would you actually be able to meet Dracula? Yeah, and I say it ironically, I don't actually believe that's how he says it. Uh that's you said that's how he said it, but of course, if you haven't met him, that also must be a lie. Um but Alright, good.

13:51Well, I was worried we were gonna have maybe some reservations about killing your friend, but uh Oh, absolutely not, Bill Mont, my boy, because either way, he'll die.

14:01Eventually. By our hands. Two hunters after the D. After the D. Why did we start shortening it? I almost think it was better to just say Dracula.

14:10We got into that argument about whether to call it Dracula or Dracula, and we just decided to shorten it to Drac, and then everybody was like, Oh, why are you calling it Drac? That's really weird. So then we decided to shorten it even further to D. So now we are out here two guys hunting for D. Hmm.

14:26Yeah, nothing nothing weird about that. Okay. Nothing at all. Alright, so here's our chance. We're going to so on the counter three, we're going to charge. Knock down the door. Now, I don't know much about the interior of Dracadus Castle, but I'm guessing there's probably like a big old hallway and like a dungeon and the city. I've heard it's extremely pleasant. Yeah, I hope. Uh, so we can't expect to find him immediately, so we're gonna have to work fast. We get in, we take out whatever uh obstacles we find in our way, and we we we we ascend to his chambers or wherever he's hiding, and and then that's when we'll do the deed.

14:26And we the the faster we do this, the less time he has to react, and the more likely we will accomplish the D, the big deed, as it were.

From 15:00

15:08I'm sorry, Belmont, my boy. I was staring at my own reflection. You shouldn't have given me this mirror as a gift or. I didn't give you a mirror. Where uh well, either way, I found this mirror, and I've been looking at myself gloriously. All I've heard is we need to get in there quickly, grab D and just shake him vigorously until he explodes. Is that correct? Just follow my lead. Very good.

15:31You know I always have your back. Yes. Okay, so uh we start like walking to the gate or something like that. I imagine like in their head, like in in like in Belmont's head, it's kind of like dun dun dun dun dun like like big epic music, and then he's like thinking of like like blueprints and like like like forms, and then like what's going on in Van Helsing's head? Like okay, in uh my head right now it's uh that big tuba.

15:56And it's like and like that's all that's going on in his head. He's like, man, I'm one handsome devil. Alright.

16:08Uh so we like go down the hill. Uh, do you think we like encountered is there anything outside of Dracula's castle? Does he have like security or anything like that? I'm gonna say since it's the dinner par uh party, probably not because there's probably like a [expletive] ton of bad guys inside. Just our luck, fenhousing. They didn't even post security. What a what a what a rookie this this D.

16:27I agree a hundred percent, Belmont, my boy. Um or is it a trap? Ooh, that is a good point. Should we just walk in the front or should we go over there to that sign that says secret cave entrance, do not enter.

16:40That seems a bit too convenient.

16:42I'm all about being convenient. But whichever you decide, I shall follow basically.

16:47I bet he wanted us to see that sign, not believe it was real, instead of discovering it on our own. And so that way we actually would go through the front door, but I say let's do it, let's take the secret cave entrance. That is very ambiguously uh noticed noted.

17:01I agree with you 100%, my boy. It's uh one of those traps within a trap where he's tricking us, but we know that. That he's tricking us kind of deal. Yes, yes, yes. He doesn't know that we know. Right, exactly. It's the good old-fashioned sucker punch, if you will.

17:13We're not falling for it this time. Not this time, this time. This time. Let's go through that cue. I'm glad we discussed this at the front door. Wide open.

17:22It's like other monsters like walking past us. Like, what the [expletive] are these two doing? [expletive] getting their way inside.

17:28You know, I'm gonna cut it for a sec and just say, uh, did you ever I have not actually played any Castlevanias, but I've actually watched Chris Chris's into the series and I've watched him play. And so like entering in through like a cave, and usually there's like a waterway or something that you like go up into. That's very like Castlevania, I feel like. I don't know. Perfect. Okay, I'll get a thumbs up from Chris because I said it. So that means it's locked in. It's can't. Yeah, so this is like kind of canon. This is actually maybe something that would happen. Hopefully the capital cash flow doesn't like flip upside down or any nonsense like that. But uh yeah, okay, so so we we enter the the secret cave. Yes. Top secret.

18:00Hmm, Belmont, my boy, it's awfully dark in here. Do vampires have any kind of like night vision or anything like that? I can't see a thing in here. My mirror's gone dark.

18:12Yes. Well, here, let me light this uh Well, that's a little better, though. Let me turn the angle. Ooh, perfect. I'm ready to move forward whenever you are. Yes. Well, uh what are we gonna do about this water? I'm not uh not about ready to to do some swimming.

18:29I agree a hundred percent. I it's took me forty-five minutes to get my hair to look this way. I'm not just gonna have to walk through some water. Did you bring one of those new fangled contraptions, you know, that's shaped kind of like a bell and it expands out and it like blocks water from hitting you on the head or anything?

18:45No, definitely not. So here, here's what we're gonna do. I have a whip and I'm going to latch onto the stalactitude, and you're gonna hold on to me kinda like like that that woman hangs on a Tarzan. Uh-huh. And then we're going to swing across and do that a few times uh over this like little inner cave ravine thing.

19:01You you have no problem holding my weight, I've Absolutely not.

19:04Okay, very well. I've I mean, a couple weeks ago when I found you on the side of the road, you were uh morbidly obese, but but making you walk 300 miles multiple times to find the castle has actually worked out, and you're I'd say you're in the best shape of your life. I feel it.

19:18I miss the wagon, I miss jarring, I miss being fat and comfy, you know. I could sit down in any chair and people would look at me and be like, man, that's a comfy looking guy over there, but those days are behind me.

19:29Hold I'm holding on, let's do it. Whip the whip the whip. You've never been in better shape to get the D. That's that's what I would say. Sometimes you gotta be ripped to get the D. Okay, here we go. Uh, and uh, I'm gonna include uh we're gonna do like an acrobatics and a strength. Ooh, I like it. Um why don't you do the strength to hold on to me and I'll do the acrobatics to get by, such as the whole D D element. I I don't want to know. I I'm still looking for my die. Um okay, so I wrote 19, so yep, uh of course Belmont in the competent one. He like and grabs it around and then is like, let's go, my boy.

19:29And I grab on and I rolled a three to hold on. So you immediately slip out of my hands and just hit a review.

From 20:00

20:10So as soon as the water touched me, I'm like, fell down, splashed in the water. Oh, I'm gonna swim to the edge where you made it safely. Try to swim over there.

20:22Belmont, let's not do that again. I told you I was too heavy for you to hold on to me. You know my grip strength isn't what it used to be, ever since I manhandled that succubus in that tavern.

20:33I'm sorry, Van Helsing. I got I got a little carried away. It's just, you know, I ever since those speakers disappeared, I nah, I'm used to having someone, you know, by my side, literally attached to my hip and swinging from place to place and with swingers.

20:48Oh yes, swingers and hunting D. Those two go hand in hand together.

20:52Yes, well, I'm sorry here. Why don't you uh try off? Uh you can use my here's my fur jacket thing that I always have on me.

20:58Oh, no worries, Belmont, my boy. I'll just shake off like a dog. Alright, let's press forward. I will be fine.

21:05You got me all wet. Okay, so uh let's say we made it through the whole cave thing, uh, and we yeah, we arrive at there's just gonna be a door at the end of the cave. Um, and maybe it has some like uh inscriptions on it.

21:20I imagine like a little montage going on where there's a couple like pitfall traps and stuff, or like pungy pits sticking out, where like you're dodging all this stuff, and I'm like still looking in the mirror, and somehow I miraculously survived. But like you were actually doing a good job, like working your way through it. And then yeah, we get to that door.

21:35Okay. Uh yeah, I bet there is uh some kind of magic trap on here. Do you really think so, my boy? Absolutely. There's no way they would just let us walk right in. I mean, granted, the front door was open. I saw the butler here to give us a weird look, but this entrance is probably sealed of some sort. I agree a hundred percent. Let me try something that Swamis have taught me over the ages.

21:57Handed down their secrets to me when it comes. To opening magic doors, I'm gonna give it a shot if you don't mind. Alright, do it.

22:06That's it, that's all I got.

22:08The door was actually not even like latched, and so it just like slides open like by God, Van Helsing, you are one head of a man.

22:15I knew those swamis were onto something, you know, especially that Greta girl. She was so smart and unimaginable. You know, the the mind of that woman teaching me that you knock on a door before entering, saying something about manners of some sort.

22:29Uh that's all I got from it. I hope one day we get to meet that druid witch thing.

22:34You know, she's out there living the best life, you know, saving the planet. I'm sure she'll make a cameo in some future episode here at Nat One Presents.

22:45Alright, so we we walk in and now we are like, I don't know, like maybe just like a couple doorways down from the front door. Like we like went through. We've uh entered what's uh what's the like we've infiltrated the thank you, our producer Chris, who's here to teach us words. Uh we've infiltrated the castle Van Hennessing. Now uh we must rush quickly. Now they must be alerted. I'm sure there was a spell that identified that we entered the room or something of that sort. So we must quickly. What must I quickly? Which way?

23:21Uh very well, uh let's uh take a left here and go upstairs. But before we get started, Belmont, look at these decorations in here. This is nothing like I would imagine. It's all dark and gloomy and there's spears on the walls. Where are the the red crushed velvet curtains, you know, and the candelabras and the wine pouring from cups?

23:41As you you think, you know a man like that Big D would would, you know, have invested in some decorations. You know, like he invented science, alchemy. You'd think he would have at least invented some interior design. Right, or at least hang up a couple mirrors in this joint. How am I supposed to inspect myself? You you do know vampires can't see themselves in.

24:01I have no idea what we're hunting. Melmond, my boy. I've never seen a D in my life.

24:07Oh, I don't believe that. Oh, I guarantee it. The closest I came was that succubus was the scariest monster besides that werewolf that I thwarted. No, if we're being honest, I didn't thwart that werewolf.

24:18These they've only seen a couple monsters, because usually I give them the letter and then they leave town and as we've covered all this balancing. I know you're basically a huge champ, but yes. Okay. Alright, so we'll take a left here and uh yeah, some some stairs. Uh, do you think we know where we're going? No idea. Do you think people know that we're here?

24:38Like uh there's like people like in the hallways, like eating hors d'oeuvres and [expletive] like washing us.

24:43Yes, well, they're all just trying to act natural and get ready for an ambush. Listen, I'm going to sneak up behind one of them. I'm like pulling you close and like talking in your ear. Yes, I'm listening. I'm going to uh wrap my whip around their neck, and then you're going to interrogate them and help us find where Dracula is. Very well. I am down for whatever you are. Okay, my boy.

From 25:00

25:06I got you. Time to talk, devil monster. Where's the D? Tell me where the D is. I have a real hankering to find the D. Tell me where the D is.

25:18Please stop. Please, please first of all, I can't breathe. Second of all, I really wasn't really worried about you. I heard you talking the entire time, but if I was gonna report something, I would have just said it.

25:28Man, side note right now to break character, your goblin sounds just like my goblin, and I [expletive] love it.

25:33Yeah.

25:35Listen to me, you little green trollop of some kind.

25:38You are you will tell me where the D is and where I can find it. Otherwise, I'm gonna give you a good old-fashioned one-two maybe sucker punch.

25:49Okay, you're throwing a lot of things out there, like uh one, two, and a D, and uh I just listen, if you're if you want something, I don't know if I'm the guy or goblin to give it to you. That's it, I punch him. Listen, okay, whatever you want, just uh please leave me some self-respect, okay? And he like he like starts to like unbutton his shirt, like pfft please, don't don't No, not that. We want to know where the D is. Now give me the D. What are you talking about? Okay, baby okay, let's we're getting a little off topic, but let's settle something right here and right now. You know the man. Is it Dracula or Dracula? Oh yeah. Uh we just call him Drak around here, son of a [expletive].

25:49I knew what I told you, Belmont, that they call him Drak. This is not the time, not the time. We'll talk about it later. Well, for for our purposes, we're calling him D, Mr. Goblin Thing Sir. So you sh you just mean Dracula. Yes, where the [expletive] is he?

26:46Where's the [expletive] D?

26:50Oh well, you're I mean, literally, it's a giant straight hallway that leads to a room that leads to another room, and directly in front of it that is where Dracula's chambers are. I don't know anything about monster architects. No, but like I mean there's signs that say this way to Dracula's party. In English? Yes, and goblish and orc and pretty much every language in that. Oh my god. Don't you talk back to me, you lowly creature. Well, I mean, yes, I am lowly. I'm the new guy here. You don't have to pick on me, alright? Like a couple weeks ago, people kept just bursting my cave, killing people, and then I [expletive] got this University of Phoenix degree and thought my life is gonna be better. Nope.

26:50I'm [expletive] working over here at the castle in Dracula's castle. You know what I do? I clean the latrine. Do you know what a latrine is? I assume that's a woman's name. It's a place you take a dump. So I gotta ask perfect. Also a woman? I paid forty dollars an hour to a set to a therapist who told me if I get a University of Phoenix degree, I was gonna be uh super adventurer. Nope. I got an internship at Dracula's castle, unpaid, mind you, to clean the bathroom.

27:55So let me get this straight. You were tricked into killing your own people so that you can clean toilets?

28:02I mean Hey, I heard you done worse, Van Helsing. This is this is besides the point. We're looking for the D. I have a hankering for you. I told before you punch me again, I told you where the D is. Go back the way I only have like four health, and you punched me three times. So let's get the just don't hit me. Go back the way you came, and then just literally go straight. It's just it's literally straight. That's all you gotta do. Very well. Uh Bellemond, my boy, do you believe this creature? I'm like whispering loud enough that obviously the goblin can hear. Without a doubt, I you know, Van Housing, what does he got to lose? He cleans a bathroom, for God's sake.

28:02I mean, honestly, he probably wants us to kill Dracula. Very good. Um, before we move along, though, I've uh always wanted to try something.

28:46And I like grab the goblin and go put his mouth on one of the steps of the stairs and then give him a Kirby.

28:53Very well, my boy, that's what I've always wanted to do. Let's move along.

28:58Um, uh roll roll for damage because you punched him three times. I'm pretty sure he has four health. That's a d20. Uh what do you think? Yeah, roll a d4 to see if he survives. Nope, he's dead. Okay. Um, or he's incapacitated. With his job. Like, that's advent housing. I like that killer instinct of yours. With that, we will definitely get the D. We will take the D and we will just write it around and strangle it. I agree 100%, my boy. I'm thinking about just grabbing the D with my bare hands and just squeezing it, you know? I'm so frustrated by this D. I just remembered that our two biggest fans are like our moms. So I'm sorry, mom. They know what's up. They know what's up. Kim, Brenda. Yeah.

28:58Okay, so uh we we leave that gama, just passed out uh after being curfewed, and we are running up the hall now. Like, dude, Bel Belmont is excited. Like Trevor is like, finally, like my whole life, my whole clan is dedicated to killing Dracula, and I might be the very first one to actually do it for real. I mean, they do it, but then he comes back. But this time, we're gonna get him, Van Helsing. Like, he's not gonna come back. And I might be the first Van Helsing ever to actually see a Dracula. Wait, are all your van like, is the entire Van Helsing line full of con artists and scammers? Oh, absolutely, Belmont, my boy. You're like, your clan has actually been learning to slay this beast.

28:58Meanwhile, my clan has been learning to reap in all the benefits. Wow, I I literally thought it was just you or you were just the bad seed of your of your clan. Oh no, we've been doing this for generations. Just a bad clan. Yes, but but you know, we have our pluses too. Which are what? Our hair care products are not. I mean, the hair is good. It's it's in the right place. It's in a good place. Yeah, it's a brand called Corporation Corporate. You can't really get it anywhere else. It's made from the blubber of baby seals. Wow. You really know how to tie in pretty much everything. I'm just winging some [expletive] out here, you know, my boy. Ah, there it is, the grand doors to what I would imagine Dracula's chamber.

28:58Oh, it looks like there's some kind of way to access this, maybe, but not by normal means. What does that look like to you? It I mean it looks like a door. Yes, I I agree now that I'm not squinting at it. So do we uh do you want to try that swami thing? Or I think it's a little too uh obvious. Yeah, it worked on that last one, but maybe on this one we need to be a little bit more risque, if you will. This is the party, right? Like let me see the invitation before we burst. Oh yes, yes, it's here. You are cordially invited to Count Dracula's yearly anniversary girl that must be monster, must have killed, and must be at least six foot seven. How tall are you, Ben Housing?

28:58I'm at least what did that I'm at least six foot seven. No, you absolutely humans don't get that tall. No, I do not. Look, you don't have to be embarrassed about your height. I guess I'm six one, and you're a little shorter than me. I'm guessing maybe five ten. Uh yes, absolutely. I'd say I'm five ten. Well, neither of us will check out. So here, what if you got on my shoulders and then we wrap the cloak around me, and then then they'll think we're a monster. You just say, Really, anything you ever say sounds horrifying and dilapidated. So so we'll go in and you'll pretend to be a monster and then ha da!

28:58And you'll, you know, do a thing with your weapons, and then I will take the whip out, and they'll never see what's coming. Because they I mean all the monsters of the land could be in there. Are we ready for that? Are we do we I was born ready, my boy?

From 30:00

32:30Now hop on. Or am I hopping onto you? Which you hop on. Okay, I will.

32:34You're not good with the mobility. Yeah, you saw me earlier. I fell in that water like a second ago. That's that's on a good day. It's really embarrassing. Yeah. Yeah. You you're like a cat with no legs. Yeah, it's really just kind of like a jelly bean cat that doesn't move or bounce. Full, full of okay, get on my shoulders. Okay. Get on your shoulders. Let's roll a like a we're gonna X. Okay. Okay. This is why Chris is here.

32:57Yeah, say it.

32:58Uh it's it's a fail for me for strength.

33:01I got a three, too.

33:02Uh so we fail, strength, and X. So, Chris, you tell us uh what happens, and we'll we'll repeat it into the mic.

33:09So, you guys are going up to the door. You both failed. So, we're gonna say you hop up onto him. He's like buckling a little bit. You're falling forward. Oh yeah. So I'm gonna say you just crash right through the burst you face first.

33:24Burst through the door. Okay, yeah. Yeah, face first on the ground. Umbarrassed. Alright. Like, Van Helsing, I I said you lost weight. I complimented you earlier, but you [expletive] are heavy as [expletive]. I have I told you I have this problem.

33:36I think from the waterfall I got water in my ear. Now my balance is all unnatural. Oh my god, these things happen.

33:41Look, they're looking at us. Oh my god. This would probably be the worst time to tell you, Belmont, my boy, but I left all the weapons back at the room.

33:52I am just standing up here with my mirror, looking like a fool in front of these monsters. Oh done, I'll break the mirror. Now he's got a little bla little piece of glass.

34:02So we look around and we'll do like uh we'll just describe the scene for a sec.

34:06So it like it's it is like a big party, uh, and there's just like all kinds of monsters.

34:12It looks like the Frankensteins are over in one corner, and I see what looks like some mummies in another corner, some like swamp monster thing, whatever. It's kind of like every like Hotel Transylvania. It's like Hotel Transylvania, like they all just happen to me. There's some werewolves, there's just some like weird demon, lots of demon things. Yeah, for sure. Just skin, burnt skin with jabs and wings and [expletive]. Terrifying. And like, yeah, they're all terri like they're terrifying monsters, but they looked real relaxed.

34:38Like they're just kind of like around these like little, like uh like I don't know, just like these like like cocktail tables with like drinks and food.

34:47Okay, like a banquet kind of deal. Yeah, and they just they look like not at all really surprised or uh really startled at all. Like they're just having a good time. Like they're just having yeah, like for a second it went quiet when we brushed through the door, and then music just started back up and they went back to talking. I'll say that's what happened.

From 35:00

35:03Belmont, my boy. Like, is this usually what happens when you fight monsters?

35:08Do they go about their business? No. Something very odd. Uh three possibilities here, I'm imagining. One, we are on under some kind of incantation, uh, where they have tricked us, our minds, into thinking that uh this is just some kind of casual get-together and that we are not a threat at all. That can't be very likely. So number two would be that uh they can't see us and that we have uh We are invisible. We are invisible. Yes, an old swami trick. That's probably the case, but still do that third option, doesn't it? The third option, this is very, very unlikely, but um the third option is we are not a threat. But look at me. I'm chiseled now. Yeah, no, that's this little piece of glass. That's the thing though.

35:08Look, don't look at you. Look, look up. There's actually a screen that has us on it. Oh wow, look at the technology these monsters have. Do I look that fat, Belmont? What what do you think these little tick marks are at the side? There's one that says uh uh clumsy, and then there's one that says says D, and then like uh uh kind of like a funny is that an emoji? Uh just like a smiley face. They look like comments of some kind, which people should be leaving if they love a show enough. They should leave comments that you can read and understand correctly. That one from Kyle says, Wow, these guys really suck, but I love watching the show. It's like a train wreck I just can't look away from.

35:08Uh smiley face, thumbs up, high five emoji. Well, that Kyle guy sure knows what he's talking about, but everybody else in the comment section sucks. Oh what's with that middle finger emoji?

36:46And what's with the word sus?

36:47Everyone's saying sus. I don't even know what that means. It says they can't be the stupid sus. Sus. Sus. I think the the short one is actually gay. Sus.

36:58Obviously, they don't know us very well at all.

37:02Um what's going on here?

37:05Who is that?

37:06I like stand up. No, it's me. No, that's what I said on the book. There are two D hunters in this room. Hunting for D. Not a single one of you even broke a sweat or looked around. You can't be bothered to put down your cheese wedge or your your your fancy rose. Is that is that our doves?

37:25And then like you hear a clap, and then you look upstairs, and there's a uh creepy, gangly, greasy looking, pale-skinned vampire.

37:38Welcome, my children. Welcome. It seems you have made it Zoomy Party.

37:50He sounds like the godfather.

37:53I don't know what else to [expletive] say. This is his voice now. This is his voice. It's canon. Now I don't even know what to [expletive] say.

38:01Please. Uh dig a zit. Mama me.

38:10I I have never really seen what he looks like. There's no photos, he doesn't photograph, he's not in mirrors. Is that Drach?

38:17No, no, Belmont, my boy. That's his uh nephew, Vinny. He's Italian vampire, he's from Italy. Uh real Dra He must be inviting us upstairs inside real Dracula, which uh I'm sure we'll have a different voice. Thank God.

38:30Goodness. I feel like I could not have taken it very seriously if that was his actual voice. No, me either. The good thing he's gonna have a different voice coming up as soon as we make our way upstairs and actually talk to the real D. No, but you know, I'm not done. I'm not done. I am pissed off. I've killed monsters before. I okay, yeah, you're kind of a nobody. You've actually not met any of these, but like, hey, hey, Mr. Werewolf, I killed one of your werewolves before, huh? What do you think of that?

38:53She's like, oh, okay.

38:56Like, well, I don't speak werewolf, but I think he says very impressive. Oh, no, uh, look at the comment wall. Yeah, he just left a comment. Oh, what a loser. That was just a random puppy. Instead of hunting D, they should be sucking D.

39:10I don't quite understand. Why would I suck Dracula? That doesn't make sense. He wants to suck your blood. It's a Dracula joke. Oh, I don't quite understand. And then there's like another emoji of an eggplant and a squirty and a some lips.

39:24I don't understand what's going on here. Ridiculous.

39:27Hold on. I we need that we need answers. I'm not gonna I I'm not gonna embarrass myself by go finding Dracula or Vinny and and uh and without knowing listen, hey, beautiful lady over there, you uh uh you you your beauty eludes you. Are you uh what are you, an angel, uh siren? Hey you doll. Yeah, I'm just a siren over here.

39:48How can it you know how's it going for you?

39:50What is a siren like you doing in a castle, sealess place like this? I got invited as a plus one from my uh Tinder profile pick. And then uh once I got here, my date kinda ditched me, so here I am just sitting at this table all by my lonesome, but it's a shame what they're doing to you, doll. You can't be by yourself. There's a bunch of empty plates all over the place.

From 40:00

40:10I've been eating all the free Rubens I can find, doll. It's a mess over here.

40:15I've been slapping rye together with sauerkraut and Thousand Island. It's all over my face, doll. I just don't know what to do about it. I'm a mess. I'm a porky piggy today.

40:25You you are beautiful. Alright, I wanna roll, I'm gonna uh I'm gonna roll a um uh persuasion uh and a performance. I'll do two. Uh I want to try to like seduce her and get her to tell us what's going on. So my persuasion is an 11, and I'll I'll let we'll let our our producer Chris decide if these count, but an 11 for persuasion, and that's really far. A 15 for performance. It works. Okay, so you're you're kind of I'm about to hit on you, and she's gonna like it. So uh, you make me bless. Ah, there's nothing in the sea more beautiful than you. You are like if Atlantis was made of gold and platinum and then rose to Olympus and melted into the tears of an angel.

41:09That's great, doll.

41:11That's just great. So listen, what's going on at the center? What is that projected magic image mirage on the wall? That's some of that Dracula magic. It's really crazy out here, doll.

41:22And then, like, so nobody's my friend here, so I'm just gonna be completely honest with you and tell you what happens.

41:29We're your friends, yes, tell us the truth. You actually got the invite to this dinner party because they are making fun of you. No, we didn't, we stole it. Have you noticed the raven that's been following you since you showed up on the club? What raven turns around and like, ah right there. You see his eyeball like holy [expletive], I've had been there the whole time. What the [expletive] is that thing, Belmont, my boy? No, it doesn't make sense, siren. Listen, what's your name again? Ah, Sheila Shaila. Sheila Ruben in my face. It's a family name. Sheila, it can be possible. We stole this invite from a monster family.

42:15No, it was given to you uh I'm pretty sure one of these guys just walked directly up to your buddy over there and handed him the letter and was like, hey, you need to come to this party.

42:24Ben Helsing? You said you I know you didn't lie to me again. You said you acquired this through espionage and uh skillful tact. What happened?

42:36Actually, Belmont, my boy, I was using the bathroom and some guy approached me and said, Here you go, friend, and I'm like, oh sweet.

42:42And then I read it and I'm like, this is just what the D hunters need to get in to hunt that D.

42:48Wow.

42:49So you're saying like this is like a whole like dinner for schmucks thing? Like everyone's making fun of us, Shira?

42:56Oh yeah, duh. They're making fun of you. They leave comments, and then Dracula actually gives like a hundred gold pieces to whoever has the best comment. Oh look, there's more popping up right there. Hold on, I'll put one up there. These guys are [expletive] gay.

43:12God damn it. I'm gonna turn around and like whip the crow and just uh let's see if I I'm gonna roll it a hit. Uh we'll say does an eight hit? No, I hit the chandelier and it like drops on like the werewolf guy. Yeah, it's like god damn it. Well, the joke, the jig is up, and we are no joke. Dracula may have invited us here, but that was his mistake. We will still achieve the D tonight. We we will make that D wish it wasn't wasn't in our face.

43:40I agree a hundred percent, Dal. I've been hunting the D my whole life, and have yet to fight a D I could conquer.

43:45Yeah, well. Thank you, Shira. You are the only friend we we maybe have, and when I kill Dracula, I will make sure to be kind to you and to maybe return you from whence you came. Like a whale that beached on the sand. Uh, but pushed back into the ocean to become huge again. Uh, Dal, you really speak to me. And then she leaves over and starts typing. Okay. All right. Well, uh we're we're where how how do we find Dracula? Well, first thing you wanna do, doll, is uh bypass Vinny up there. He's a little slow. I don't know if you can tell from his voice. It's not that intriguing or nice or anything.

43:45It seems like a guy kind of like had a half idea and then started saying it and it didn't really come out the way he wanted to. Like, that's Vinny through and through. You're gonna want to bypass Vinny completely. You never want to see him or hear from him ever again. You're just gonna walk right by him, maybe give him a head nod. If he starts talking, plug ears and just keep [expletive] walking, you know. Excellent. And then just right upstairs is Dragon Discord's.

44:48Oh, yes, yes, yes. He's actually uh right next to the projector. He's got his own little uh screen and he's reading all the comments. Oh look, he just put a comment up there.

From 45:00

45:00Okay, this is getting old. Let's go. Very well, my boy. Let's lead the way. Thank you, Sheila, for your time. Uh anytime, Todd. I'm here all week, you know. Rubens. Don't make eye contact with them. We are better than this. We are no joke.

45:13Belmont, my boy.

45:15Let us talk to this Vinny character, and then we shall proceed to slay the D. Yes, and Housing, I am just pissed off royally. I cannot believe he set all this up, made us look like fools, and that his cousin has a weird accent like that. Yes, what was that even about? I don't even know. Let's go find it. My cousin Vinny kind of deal, but with like a vampire.

45:38We're gonna get to the bottom of this.

45:39And I am still upset about that whole middle finger emoji. God damn it. Alright, let's go.

45:44Alright, hey, you their fat, greasy haired vampire. What's your deal and what's going on here?

45:52You can do the voice. You gotta do the voice. The Marlin Brando with like marbles in your mouth.

45:57I can't even remember how it went.

45:59Um Imagine like the Godfather, but uh but but a Dracula.

46:05Hold on, let me think about it. Okay, okay. This is for the Patreon, it don't [expletive] matter. We love you guys no matter what. We'll [expletive] this is gonna edit it.

46:14Um okay. Oh [expletive]. Uh blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Dracula is not what you think he is.

46:28No, it's like a Christopher Walker.

46:32Use your your vampire voice. Weird, weird greasy man. Oh, thank God.

46:36Um, we're gonna [expletive] skip Vinny. [expletive] Vinny. Okay. Um hey man, I was eating a sandwich when you talked to me earlier. Yeah, names Vinny the vampire.

46:53Um yeah, Dracula's in that back room, but uh I really don't think you guys wanna fight him. Oh no, we definitely do. We are sick. We cannot. He has made a joke and a mockery of Dracula. You D absolutely right, Belmont, my boy. This D must be slain by our bare hands. Yeah, about that. Um look. We will not take the sitting down. Dracula was kind of like He had an accident, you know. He's I don't know how to do it. Don't make excuses for this monster. No, I did you guys not see when you first showed up to the castle?

46:53Did you not see what's that that this is the dark manifestation of evil and No, there was a parking lot out there you had to walk through in order to get up, and the right up front Oh yes, I mean some people park their wagons. Yes, the role right up front was Dracula's fancy wagon, and did you notice what was in front of that wagon? Oh, that dumb sign that only lets the certain people part there when they're a blue sign with a white person in a wheelchair, white wheelchair. Yes, and Dracula's not uh obviously white or wheelchair. The thing is, like that's a handicapped spot.

48:08Did you notice if you would if you idiots would have taken the front door, you would have noticed that there is a nice ramp that leads up to the front door? Did you did you notice that at all?

48:18Well, no. I mean how what it didn't make sense. It wasn't a ramp. I mean, what why would there be a 45-degree slant jutting up literally like seven floors? Like, how is that even practical? Absolutely right, Belmont, my boy. Like, why would I notice some ramp when I am busy thinking about all the D I'm gonna be slaying later? Like, what are you getting at? Alright, what I'm really trying to tell you guys is You know what? Forget it. We'll we'll we'll we don't need your your your sabotage. You're you're just trying to plant sympathy in our mind. We we are going to solve this mystery ourselves. Alright, man. Well, best of luck to you and good luck in there. Whatever. Alright, see you later. I'm gonna go back to the bottom.

48:18There's absolutely nothing that could surprise me. You're absolutely right, Belmont, my boy. There is nothing that's gonna keep us from slaying this D, from me grabbing this D with my bare hands and squeezing that. Well, that is about enough. Alright, so there it is, there. The doors to Dracula's chambers. Though there is a button you can push that seems to open the doors automatically. That's a lot.

49:17Large silver button could be made from real silver, probably from the other slayers he's killed.

49:23What what? As as we look back, Vinny's like riding the like the chair that goes down the gremlin. Well, that's pretty convenient. That's I pretty should have taken that up here. Oh yes, Belmont, my boy. It's amazing the technology they have inside. They don't even need a staircase to get a chair. Do you think Dracuda's grandmother's visiting? Ooh, it could be. That would make a lot of sense. And maybe that is why he parked in the handicap spot. I'm going to kill the D, and then I'm gonna get his grandma's. No D.

49:52That old brat is gonna get it for sure, my boy. High five. D high five, yes!

49:58Okay, here we go. Three, two, one. Before we like go to kick the doors, like someone pushes the button and it just automatically opens. Really slowly. Dramatically. Oh, well that was a little uh anticlimactic, but none the And then he sees it. Ooh, uh who i excuse me, where can I find Dracula? I am Dracula. No, no, I mean the vampire who owns the castle, Dracula, however you pronounce it. That is me. Look at this [expletive].

49:58And then uh so the audience knows what me and Nate are picturing our heads is uh Dracula is in a wheelchair, a lot like uh Stephen Hawking, when uh he's got the little straw that he uses to move around and his head's kind of kicked out to the side, and he's got the little computer pad, and he does a little donut, and on the back of his wheelchair is like a little personalized license plate that says Dracula on it. And then he does a little donut. It looks like this is the moment, D Hunters, prepare to meet your demise. Uh timeout. Like Van Helsing, this is a this is not uh maybe an illusion. Throw something at it.

From 50:00

51:20I don't think it wise to throw something to throw something at a handicapped person.

51:26I threw something at him and it uh it just straight hits him in the dog.

51:31Is that all you got, [expletive]?

51:33Bring it on. I have lived 2,000 years. You think that can get me down, down, down? Come at me, D hunters. Uh you go first, Belmont, my boy. You attack him from the front, and then I will leave out the back. Helsing, I've always admired your your lack of of scruples, and I think this is your moment, you know. I I've always wanted to let you have the honor of kiding um Dracula. Okay, uh, very well. Uh Do it, you [expletive]. Oh my god, uh, it seems I'm fresh out of steaks and garlic. I will run back to the wagon Make my day, make my day.

52:15God, he's kind of an [expletive]. Um do you have anything laying around, Belmont, my boy, that I could just stab this handy capable person with Don't just stand there, [expletive].

52:30Bring it on. I don't I don't know. Like on one hand, he is the source of all evil and demons in this world, but on the other hand, I don't just I just don't feel comfortable with this, Van Hennessing. Me either, my boy. Um, I feel actually awkward just looking at your mother's a [expletive]. I had her the other night. Ha ha ha ha. God, he is such a [expletive], though. Well, he is. I mean, maybe it is our job to put him in his place.

52:55Well before we do this, are we still being broadcast? Because I don't want to be known as the D hunter who slayed a handicapped D. You know, I want to slay a firm D, not a this thing.

53:08Alright. Hold on, wheels. Let's check the chat. And we like look out of like the balcony window and we can see the projected, like, like whatever, how are we pulling right now? Like these sons of [expletive]. Wow, like talk about insensitive, like it's 2021, like you've never seen somebody in a wheelchair. Like, get out of here. Right. Get out of here.

53:29Treat him like a real human being, you piece of [expletive]. Like, go up there and stab him.

53:35Um uh I don't, Belmont, I don't You're as straight as a crazy straw.

53:41You know what? [expletive] this, and it's suck a punch.

53:44Punches wheelchair Dracula. Is that all you got, [expletive]?

53:49You almost knocked my fake teeth out. Ha ha. Okay, he doesn't even have teeth. I'm done here. You know, you're a bully, and that's that is the real like what you have to live with. Just being a bad person. It's not about a wheelchair, it's not about not about the fact that you've summoned hordes of minions, about that you're a bad man, Dracula.

54:08Wait, Belmont, my boy, I think this is one of those things where we can kill two birds with one stone. We will kill this D, this Dracula, but we will also do it in a way that looks like an accident. Let's unplug his battery and push him down the stairs. Not only will that be hilarious and an acceptable way for this monster to vanquish, but we could easily run out the next window and get the [expletive] out of here.

54:38Wow. Um it's gonna be a hard pass for me. Are you sure? Like I'm already over there like unplugging his battery. Sacrifice.

54:48He talked about my mother.

54:51Wait, wait, wait. You're the first person to treat me like I am ever since the accident.

From 55:00

55:00Well, I was gonna call you a horrible monster, but you're in that chair, and it's making me feel rather uncomfortable.

55:05I wanted to make fun of you because everybody makes fun of me and it's just not cool, and I just wanted to be the one with the last laugh. Ha ha ha ha. I'm crying as well. Put yourself together, Van Helsing.

55:19He made a sad story and I feel for him. I was living out of the gutter not two weeks ago, if you don't remember.

55:24You were, you were. You know, innocent Dracula, Drac, whatever your name is, would you have ever actually invited us to dinner? Not this dinner for Schmucks [expletive], but like, you know, as friends. As as two rivals who take a moment to share communion around one table, you with blood of an innocent and us with food. I pictured us at one point, high fiving, and eating dinner together, and then we would reminisce over stories about how I [expletive] both your mothers. Ha! Get him, Matt Hussing. Get him.

56:00This son of a [expletive] is going down. Quick blam on my boy, out the window. We'll take his handicapped car. It only goes downhill from here.

56:15Literally, it's the ramp just goes straight down.

56:21Posse, get inside. It's easier now.

56:28It plays like the monsters theme song.

56:30I think you're like an old jalaffe horn on like.

56:40I think we need to wrap it there. I think we need to wrap it 15 minutes ago.

56:44No, no, that was hilarious. You know, patrons, thank you for asking for this. Like, we don't have written proof, but I know that we know that you wanted this. Yes, you wanted this. You asked for it and we delivered. Yeah. To the best that I could do.

56:58I'm sorry I couldn't bring back Vinny. That was me being tired and right.

57:02That's the real handicap is that you could not do the I I just I want to go back and like play that voice on loop. Like, I could not recreate that if I tried. I couldn't either. I tried, I literally sat here and tried. Marlon Brando with like with cotton balls and marbles in his mouth, but also with like a hint of Transylvania. It was, I mean, you should have been the golden globes. Like I for that one line of dialogue. Honestly. Like, we're never bringing Vinny back though. You can't you can't recreate it, Vinny. Like Vinny, uh he's not like literally dead. I mean, we'll run into him again, maybe, but no, I'm picturing him being at the base of the stairs when Dracula's wheelchair started flying down and they got taken out together.

57:02And Sheila was like, oh my god.

57:44Two Ds all piled up together.

57:46Be right back. Hold my drink. Where's my Ruben? Ruben! Ruben! Ruben! I just imagine she like escapes like a sewer line. Like it goes down. Alright. Well, thank you for being a patron. Uh, and I think we learned today that it can always get worse. It can. It can. So be happy with what you get.

58:07Just when you thought we couldn't get any lower, we proved you.

58:10You're wrong again. Yeah, this will maybe not make it into the podcast. We'll see. But you get it regardless. See, we'll have to hear it back. Love ya.